Subtitles

I like to watch movies with subtitles.  This probably came about since I love foreign films, but I put the subtitle option on even when I’m watching films in English. Especially if they’re in English.  I find that having white or yellow letters at the bottom of the screen help me better concentrate on the movie and what is being said when I can read it at the same time.  Sometimes I wish I had this option in real life. Sometimes I wish I had subtitles for when I’m speaking to people.

I notice this often in English language films where the subtitle doesn’t quite match up to what the character said.  It’s just a word or two, and it still contains the same idea. Real life is like this often because I experience a disconnect between what is said, and what I hear.  Am I hearing what they are saying? Am they saying what I’m hearing or will my own interpretation come back to haunt me?

Early in the movie Annie Hall, Woody Allen and Diane Keaton passionately converse about art and the beach, but the subtitles below show their thoughts are centered around sex.  He wants to sleep with her and he’s trying to devise the most witty, stimulating comments to give her the impression he’s one worth sleeping with.  Conversations take place like these every day.

Or maybe I’ll give a more current example.  Let’s say, me, goes to an event (like a party, an art murmur, a museum, etc) and I meet someone I like.  I tell person I like that I’d like to get together some time, and they say sure!  But of course this doesn’t happen.  Whenever I’ve said, “Can I see you again?”  there’s usually some child like voice on the inside saying, “I like you. Do you like me?  Am I worth some of your time?” And maybe person I like may think, “She seems desperate” or “I have enough friends” or “She seems cool and I’d like to spend time with her too.”  I say this because this response is standard in the Bay Area.  I meet people I like all the time but I can never tell if they like me too, or if they like me in the moment.  

Here’s where a subtitle option would be useful.  It’s not the same as reading someone’s mind (I don’t even like being in my head sometimes.  I don’t want to be in anyone else’s) but it would help to see if the person is being sincere. Or better yet, am I being sincere in what I’m saying.  I try to make my words match up with my intentions, but sometimes it doesn’t happen.  Okay, it rarely doesn’t happen.

The easiest way to become my friend or to get me to do something nice for you is to just tell me you like me.  I’ve given up on hearing someone say they love me for the moment.  A few years ago I met a nice older man at a dinner party who stopped me mid-sentence to tell me he liked me.  And I felt relieved.  That older man became my therapist when I was in school, and I’m sure it’s all because he told me he liked me that it allowed me to listen to him.  

Even now, though, I still stumble with saying I like someone, even if it’s true.  Mainly because it requires some sort of vulnerability and from my experience, it makes people nervous.  I told a guy I liked him one at a party and that started some weird discussion on how I was trying to push my expectations and decisions onto him and I wasn’t being fair.  That ended me liking him.  And the conversation.  But if I had the chance to read a subtitle where he might’ve said, “Don’t say you like me” I might not have said it.  And who knows, maybe we would’ve been friends, who don’t like each other.  

I bring this up because I could’ve used a subtitles option a few weeks ago.  At the Art Murmur I ran into this guy Evan who helped me with the purchase of my bike (finding an adult bike if you’re under 5′3″ is a challenge) and he made me laugh while he adjusted my seat. Miranda swore up and down that we were flirting, although I justified it in saying he was trying to make a sale. 

“But he was acting like that long after you wrote the check,” she said.

Good point.  Anyway, he was friendly, and I wanted to get to know him.  So when I saw him at the art murmur I found the perfect question for him — which was, which gears do I need to be in while going uphill.  He ended up coming back to my place for a glass of water and to see the fosters along with his best friend, and right before he left, he said he had fun with me. I did too.  I asked him if he’d like to hang out again, and right before we exchanged numbers he got all nervous.  Said he only calls 5 or 6 people on a regular basis.  I asked him why couldn’t be a part of this group for a week, just to see how things turn out, then he stumbled he couldn’t do it, he didn’t know if he was going to call me, and yammer yammer yawed, and I’m wondering, why the hell did this get so complicated.  All I wanted to do was hang out and have fun, and now, now we’re reduced to this:  sweaty palms and fumbling with cell phone and blushes on both sides.  Not the good kind either.

If there was a subtitle, in my mind, it would’ve read, “I’m not sure if I like you enough to spend two hours with you,” on his end.  Or perhaps, “You get the wrong idea and I don’t like you at all.  I was just showing good salesmanship.”  Whatever the case, I refused to hug him when he left.  Perhaps my subtitles was reading, “You don’t deserve it and you hurt my feelings. Kind of.”

Then again, it might have said more than that.